Re-igniting the Love
A research project initiated by couples counsellor and author Andrew G. Marshall indicated that 47% of couples found that passion had gone from their marriage, but 43% still loved their partners, but were not ‘in love’ anymore. Couples ranked the ‘not in love anymore’ issue as the third biggest problem that causes distr
ess behind ‘difficulty understanding each other’ and ‘arguing too much’.
Andrew G. Marshall also went on to observe that couples who love each other but are not ‘in love’ anymore tend to argue less but didn’t really understand each other anymore, and therefore do not realize that their union has in fact reached a very low ebb.
If you can relate to this and are one of the couples where the love needs to be reignited, you may not instantly recognize that a crisis is developing. In fact usually you are good friends, and are quite alike.
As one of the fundamentals of marriage is to help us grow, then being too much alike also means that there is less challenges and therefore you can easily slip into a rut. Additionally, this slide into loss of passion may be predicated by a life changing experience that will impact one of you more than the other.
Therefore, at Love2Last we want to help couples put the passion back into their relationship, so that your love will last a lifetime.
Understanding the Love2Last method of addressing the seven areas that most challenge second unions will be a good step to reigniting the love. There are also some specific actions that you can take to accelerate this process:
Listening – With full attention and empathy.
Sharing – Exchanging the things that matter, however small. This includes those little feelings and outcomes that have impacted your day.
Generosity – Understanding each other’s love languages and generously supplying love in the way that most matters to your partner e.g. giving time, helping with chores, expressing your feelings in words that count, offering surprise small meaningful gifts, or just being there for a cuddle and a hand hold on a regular basis.
Body contact – And not just for people with a physical touch love language. Physical closeness leads to emotional closeness.
Supporting – Whether it is attending work events, watching sport or regularly participating in your partners interests, even if that is just listening to them enthusiastically explain something to you.
Sense of humor – Laugh together, whether that is consciously watching comedies together, sharing amusing incidences or stories on Facebook, or just changing how you see the world. A couple that laugh together stays together.
Going that extra mile –Recognizing and doing something for each other that is meaningful, whether saving them from having to going to the post office, or having dinner with the in-laws and not being bated by the conversation.
The apathy of loving someone, but not being in love is the most pressing relationship issue in today’s fast paced and stressful world. When we fell in love we did not plan to just settle for being comfortable, we desired a fulfilling relationship together.
Whilst we live with the myth that ‘love conquers all’ it also takes courage, determination and investing time in each other to ensure that this can happen. We must also recognize that to have passion we need the equal and opposite, which is challenge. Therefore conflict is not to be labeled as ‘bad’ or ‘good’ it is a way of stretching and serving each other, provided it does not degenerate into name calling or hurtful points winning.
Apathetic love is avoidable, love does change over time but that doesn’t mean that it has to lesson. Passion and a satisfying relationship can return and be even stronger, but it takes desire and the willingness to look beyond ourselves and to find what we fell in love with in the beginning. A new beginning is possible at any time.
At Love2Last we apply many tools and principles to help you to regain your passion and make marriage work. We apply the work of experts such as John Gottman, John Demartini and Andrew G. Marshall to name a few. Read our articles, watch our videos and webinars or enquire about our coaching.