A Fresh Start
Have you let go of your past relationship but still carrying some baggage, some fears or nagging doubts that you got it wrong before yet you believe that you do deserve another chance?
Even if you have absolutely no doubts and are totally excited about your life together, remember that at no time in history have couples faced the complexities that you are facing today.
We want to give you some insights that will help your new beginning go just that little bit smoother. These pages are just a ‘tip of the iceberg’ so look at the resources that Love2Last offers that will go into much greater depth.
Welcome to your future
It is important to remember that you are absolutely and totally unique,
just like everyone else.
Acknowledge yourself for having the courage to try again, and the humility to seek help in doing it.
It is quite normal to feel a kaleidoscope of emotions – excitement, fear, happiness and anxiety as you enter a new commitment. But guess what, you are not alone – almost all people facing a new beginning feel the same. That is where we come in, to help you to both face and plan your future.
The statistics for divorce and multiple divorces are incredibly high. In fact reportedly 65% of second marriages fail, so we want you to go in with your eyes open so you beat the statistics.
Being informed and understanding the risks before you commit gives you more of a headstart than most couples. Here at Love2Last, we don’t just help you see the risks but also give you guidance as to how to deal with them from mature dating to preparing to marry again.
Doing what you have always done will give you the same results you have always gotten. Why not try some new things, some new behaviours and strategies, so the past will not repeat itself.
You cannot look at your life as a whole. It is useful to see it from many perspectives, the ones we suggest are: heath, finances, family, community, work, creativity and spirit.
Typically, we are only strong in one or two areas but when you and your partner are working together to achieve a level of balance, you are certainly starting to bullet proof your future.
By learning and benefiting from each other’s strengths (and supporting the weaknesses) you greatly increase your chances of success…this time.
…and don’t forget what makes it all worthwhile…LOVE.
Making the Decision
The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make – not just on your wedding day, but over and over again – and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.
Dr Barbara De Angelis
Whether you have been divorced, widowed or preparing to remarry your old partner, you are likely to be cautious. Take the time to make sure you are sure. It may not just be you who is affected by your decision…this time.
All relationships have their ups and downs and these build a lasting relationship. The easy times are gifts but the challenges are where we really grow, as long as it is not damaging.
Be honest and take responsibility about your part in your previous relationship, so you can lay it to rest for good.
What we think about, we tend to bring about, so focus on creating a successful and loving marriage to last.
If your previous partner passed away, celebrate them, they will always be a part of you. But honour your new partner and don’t make comparisons.
If you are starting a romance again with your ex, remember what went wrong before and make sure you resolve them, and above all else think of your children if you have them, don’t hurt them twice.
There is no need to rush in, settle your baggage and understand what happened before.
Learn from the past, plan for the future, but live in the present.
21st Century ‘Marriages’
Today’s world is fast-paced and accelerating. The concept of marriage keeps evolving as new family realities emerge. At no time has there been more challenges and pressures on couples especially in cases of second marriages with children.
The technological advancements are leaving remarkable impact on our lives; the pressures from media via movies, TV and print; the multi-billion dollar wedding industry and our own family and friends.
In the new norm, it’s normal to be a little different. It must reflect modern family dynamics, where over 50% of families are not all biologically related.
Our relationship with our children is also different. Gone are the days of compliant teenagers – but they are not always wrong, just different. As adults, it is our responsibility to bridge the gap and be prepared to adapt. Second marriages with children are in fact challenging.
Marriage is no longer an expectation, it is a choice. People still want to celebrate their unions and want the world as their witness.
Motto for the bride and groom: We are a work in progress with a lifetime contract.
The nature of relationships is evolutionary. They will never arrive at a fixed dynamic but are ever changing. Don’t forget, the institution of marriage was conceived 1000s of years ago when most couples barely lasted until their offspring were adults; today it has to survive seeing 3,4 or even 5 generations grow up.
Do you feel the same today as you did 10 years ago? Do you still believe the same things, interested or do the same things? Do want the same things? Unlikely, but how do you go about mature dating and eventually have a relationship that grows with you and matures as you mature?
The goal is to have your personal relationships come along with you on your life journey. But for your relationship to last and grow, you must be willing to step beyond personal, traditional or cultural blueprints.
However before you start your new journey together you do need to check that you want it to go in the same direction at least. Flourishing relationships require equal commitment and effort from both partners.
No Marriage is a Failure
We have a need to feel successful right away, but marriage, like everything else, takes practice. Luckily we have a powerful desire to learn how to love and we will do what it takes to achieve it.
Statistically it is proven that love marriages are no more successful than arranged marriages, the major difference lies in expectations. Manage the expectations and you have a much better recipe for your new love lasting a lifetime.
There are no failures though, merely ongoing lessons in love.If you perceive your previous marriage as a failure, then so will those around you, especially your children. So focus on how it helped you to grow and be ready for the partner you are with today.
Remember marriages don’t fail; they simply end. Life is a series of seasons that bring new challenges and opportunities. Sometimes it is simply not possible for a relationship to last throughout all seasons.
Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate,
but through being the right mate.