Becoming a Step Father – An Insider Perspective

By Alyssa Johnson


Step-parenting is hard work. Becoming a step father has challenges all it’s own. Rather than just another boring article, why not hear some comments from real kids I’ve worked with and let’s pretend it’s a diary entry written from a kid discussing her fears and expectations about her prospective step-father.

Step Father – Diary Entry #1

Dear diary,

Well, the wedding is tomorrow. I’m still not real comfortable about all this. Part of me just wants to run away so I won’t have to be there. I’m just so sad that she’s following through with this! What about dad! He’s going to be so alone. I’ll have to make sure I’m extra good this week when I’m at his house while their off enjoying the honeymoon, YUCK!! I don’t even want to think about that.

I’m still not sure about this guy she’s marrying. I mean, he seems nice and everything. He makes mom happy, that’s for sure. I just don’t want him butting into my business. It’s going to seem so weird having him live with us. What if he tries coming with mom and I to our Saturday morning breakfasts? Boy, that will make me mad. That’s our time. We’ve been doing that together as our special thing since the divorce.

Step Father – Diary Entry #2

Dear diary,

What if he suddenly tries to be, like a real father and tell me what to do? All of my friends keep telling me to wait for that to happen. Well, I can tell you that won’t go over well. He’s not my dad. He’s just this guy my mom decided she wants to marry. I don’t recall having much of a say in the matter. I just get stuck with him because of mom.

On the other hand though, he’s been really kind to me so far. It’s been sort of weird. I mean we’ve all hung out together a lot. He’s offered advice, but never been pushy about it. I like that. I just worry that if I let myself start liking him it will hurt dad’s feelings. I don’t want him to think I’m letting this guy replace him or anything, because that ain’t happenin!

But also, what if I decide I like him and he and mom get a divorce? I don’t know if I want to put myself out there and wind up getting hurt. What would happen then? He’d just be gone. I wouldn’t see him anymore.

Well, it’s getting late and I guess I’d better get some sleep so I can put on that smile for mom tomorrow. I just want mom to be happy so much. I just hope this guy isn’t a fake and changes once they’re married. I like him just being this other adult person in my life for right now. Having any other type of “closer” relationship with him, well he’ll just have to prove he’s worthy of that over time.

Developing a strong and healthy step father relationship with kids is tricky. A lot of men really don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. They’re more focused on wooing their lady and assume the kid part will naturally fall into place. WRONG!!

If you’re about ready to take the plunge and remarry, causing you to become a step father, or have recently become one, ‘why not visit to learn more about their resource created JUST for you!

AlyssaAlyssa Johnson, LCSW is a counselor, life coach and the founder and creator of The Vibrantly Live System.  To get your F.R.E.E. Special Report, “Stop Trying to Be Perfect:  4 Easy Ways to Enjoy Your Live” and receive articles showing you how to enjoy your life and leave a legacy you’ll be proud of, visit

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