Talking To Adult Children About Your New Relationship!
Do you have adult children who have left the nest? Are you worried how to talk to them about your new partner? Are they giving you a hard time? This week’s blog post has been written just for you.
So you are planning to get married again and spend the rest of your life with your new love? How are your adult children going to react? Are they going to be pleased, worried about you or will they put their own feelings first?
Telling your children that you are getting married again doesn’t necessarily get easier as you get older. In fact, it is well known that adult children can react unkindly when couples decide to get married, especially if their parent has been widowed. They feel that it is disrespectful to their deceased parent or they think about how the change will greatly affect them.
Whilst deep down they almost certainly want you to be happy, they are probably concerned about your welfare. A few questions may be: ‘Will your new spouse take care of you?’ or ‘Will they take you away from your grandchildren?’ to name a few.
The question of inheritance or aged care may well also be at the forefront of their minds. What happens when you move in together or make the partnership official? All previous wills become null and void once you marry again, so any previous arrangements are cancelled. What if you die first and you and your new spouse are living in your old family home? If you buy a new property together will they have to wait for their portion? Will they be responsible for the new partner if they are living in the house they legally own, or can they ask them to leave? Will their inheritance have to be shared with their new step siblings?
You will need to gauge how your children are likely to react and be well-prepared to give them answers and assurances. Discuss it with your partner so that everything is in the open, especially about when you reach the latter stages of your life. It is highly recommended for you to seek professional advice on estate planning after remarriage and protecting your investments. We have some great books on this subject in Love2Last’s Recommended Reading section.
You must listen to your children if they have concerns. Remember that in most situations, they will have your best interests at heart and they may be raising some very valid points. Unfortunately there are also many documented cases of older people being wooed and then taken in by fraudsters or gold diggers. Their concerns are likely to have some basis of truth, and do need to be investigated and clarified. Many a situation has occurred that the couple hadn’t intended, and often these can only be resolved expensively via the legal path. However, once sorted out these concerns should certainly not stop the wedding from taking place if you are absolutely sure of your decision. The best thing is to be as prepared as possible and don’t let them use emotional blackmail.
Your goal is to show them how happy you are and help them to be pleased, so you can go into this marriage with their blessing, and with them as (almost) excited as you are.
Author and experienced relationship coach, Gillian Andale is the owner of Love2Last, a coaching and resource centre dedicated to couples who have found love again, want a new beginning and aim to strengthen and grow their relationship as well as need help in blended family situations. Visit www.love2last.co to browse and see the wealth of information available.