Sex in Remarriage – Where Did That “Loving Feeling” Go in Our Remarriage?
With all the responsibilities in a remarriage, it’s not unusual for sex to somehow get lost in the shuffle. I’m reminded of the song “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling.” Somehow I don’t think that lamenting song writer was taking into consideration all the pressures that come with a step family before he started complaining.
All jokes aside though, sex is an essential factor for any happy marriage. It can just become quite a juggling act for step couples. It’s not uncommon for one member of the couple to suddenly find their libido plummeting. Let’s take a look at a few reasons why…
- More than likely there are some kids in the house requiring attention. If you’re not running them here, there and everywhere, they are still in the house so romping around naked isn’t much of an option.
- Just by virtue of there being lots of people in the house, that means a lot of activities and responsibilities that have to be attended to, leaving little time for yourself.
- Stressors of dealing with unhappy kids, ex-spouses, or other family members can take a real toll.
- Then of course, there are your everyday, work, finances, household stressors and responsibilities.
So anyone in the mood after reading that riveting list? I doubt it! I’m exhausted after just writing it! So, that’s the reality of step family life. Most of those things aren’t just going to suddenly disappear and sexual intimacy in your marriage is still necessary. So, now what?
Sexual intimacy mirrors emotional intimacy. Think about that. If you don’t make time for each other even if it’s just a quick email or kiss, it’s real easy to just drift apart with all the expectations placed on you.
So rather than JUST focusing on ways to have more sex, try to think about ways to feel closer to one another. If you feel close, you’re more willing to stay up a little later for a romantic interlude instead of feeling like sex is just another thing on your “to do” list.
Consider the following:
- If the kids are older, pick one night a week as a movie night. Rent a movie or movies to keep them occupied from after dinner time until bedtime so you and your spouse can have some time alone to do whatever you want.
- If you have the money, hire a babysitter twice a month for a date.
- Ask your spouse for a list of things you can do that really makes them feel loved. Make a point of doing one of these EVERY day.
- Leave love notes
- Call or email your partner on a regular basis just to tell them “I love you”
While these may seem simple, they will help you find that loving feeling in your remarriage every time!
Alyssa is a Consultant & Counselor for Transitioning Moms – moms whose children are older and don’t need them as much anymore.