In finding a new partner, what can make or break your relationship? Deeply caring for your partner, your relationship and your future is not enough.
It comes down to addressing the heart breakers and focusing on the love makers to help ‘bullet proof’ your new beginning from the many challenges that will inevitably come your way.
How to maintain love, intimacy and keep communication lines open. In this section, we’ll introduce you to the 7 love makers and teach you how to avoid the 7 heart breakers and how to balance them in your daily life.
It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re going to have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you forever.
You and me… every day.
Noah, The Notebook
Committing to each other
In your journey of finding a new partner, once you have worked through your decision to commit fully, and you are certain that your partner is the love you have been looking for, it is time to make the leap. However, love can’t fix everything, and it is still normal to feel hesitant. True love occurs between equals.
A strong union requires deep and sincere love, mutual respect, realistic expectations, and compatible personalities. Partners should be compatible intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.
If you are not going to have a wedding, you might still consider doing something to acknowledge your bond in the eyes of the world. Ultimately, though, marriage takes place in the heart, not the room.
We all have a What’s in it for me? side that has subconscious and hidden motives. You both must identify and communicate these agendas. Some people are subconsciously looking to be taken care of, while others have a fear of loneliness.
The true purpose of love is not to receive, but to give; not so much to be loved, as to love.
Your New Life – Together
All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
Many people spend more time on planning their wedding than they do on planning a lifetime together. Unfortunately this often holds true for second marriages as well.
Plan your marriage. Find out what dreams you both have, how you want to be treated, iron out false expectations, and create a verbal contract that paves the way for a healthy and happy future.
Lay down goals together for how you want your new lives to be. Clarity of vision will set in place guiding principles for your home.
Learn about the seven Heart Breakers that, if unresolved can tear a relationship apart. Even more importantly, make sure you understand the seven Love Makers that when followed will strengthen and grow your marriage into something that movies are made about. This is the new relationship advice that will ensure that you are in it to win it!
Love and Passion
Passion and intimacy are essential to a healthy relationship. Despite the stresses of the daily grind, loss of passion is not inevitable.. Intimacy is the tangible display of how much you really love each other.
The best intimacy is a profound blending of body, mind, and spirit. By understanding the power of Communication, Caring, Commitment and Common values, you can see how they have such a major influence on your intimacy.
Sustained intimacy needs some effort on both sides, understand the value of touch, how leftover baggage can weigh you down. Allow time to develop your own comfort level together; explore preferred techniques, responses, and ways of communicating.
Intimacy requires nurturing and imagination, both inside and outside the bedroom. Increase your non-sexual intimacy, recreate your romance at every opportunity, take some ‘me’ time, and get back in touch with yourself and your body.
Do something to make your partner happy, which in turn will make you happy, have pre-booked date nights, plan time away from the family and most of all foster spontaneity.
Safeguarding the romance, passion, and intimacy in your relationship is one of the best things you can do to make sure this love lasts a lifetime… this time.
The Art of Communication
Never argue with scorn – communicate respectfully and learn to fight fair.
Mindy Utay, psychologist
Communication is an art, not a given; like any talent, the more you practice, the more skilled you’ll become.
A great marriage thrives on communication. Remember, it’s not about what you say so much as how you say it and how you make them feel. It’s not simply about finding a new partner but by being aware of what’s important to your partner, and being ready to meet their needs (they meeting yours), you are using love to grow your relationship. It often just takes a little forethought before speaking!
They say we have one mouth and two ears for a reason. Listening takes practice and intention. Listen without preconceptions and if you accept information without barriers or judgement you are more likely to understand the true message being sent.
We stop listening when we feel our values are challenged. If you can fight this impulse and instead, listen to your partner’s point of view and allow them to feel heard you have much more chance of growing closer. Take an honest look for truth in their words. You need only communicate enough for someone to ‘get it’.
When you speak to your loved ones, talk to them, not at them. When they speak, don’t just temporarily stop talking, listen. Be quiet inside and out. Open the potential for real communication to take place.
To effectively communicate, we must realise that we are all different in the way we perceive the world, and use this understanding as a guide
to our communication with others.
A Strong Start
Trusting a new partner might be hard but it is fundamental to love, so make your love strong from the start.
Building trust takes time. It is learned and earned. Trust grows from love and respect. Understand what trust means to you both.
Tony and Sage Robbins (tonyrobbins.com) talk about five stressors that can chip away at even the strongest of partnerships. Keep an eye on them and if you see them happening, break the pattern, they are:
- loss of energy and desire;
- increased irritation;
- reluctance to face issues;
- resentment; and
- lowered expectations of the relationship.
Some new relationship advice that you might want to take on-board.
- Never take each other for granted;
- Make time for each other;
- Don’t try to change your partner or their values;
- Love them in the way that makes them feel loved, not the way that makes you feel loved;
- Avoid resentment. Take time apart;
- Complement each other;
- Share the chores;
- Keep surprising your partner; and
- keep complacency at bay.
A relationship is literally a labour of love, and it deserves and needs your dedication. Your commitment to your relationship will be in direct proportion to the success and joy you find together.
This is just a snapshot of some ways to build strong foundations. Make the leap and purchase Love2Care from the New Beginnings series for much more insights, hints and tips…you surely won’t regret it!