Making The Leap
Once you have worked through your decision to marry again and you are certain that your partner is the love you have been looking for, it is time to make the leap. However, love can’t fix everything, and it is still normal to feel hesitant. True love occurs between equals.
A strong union requires deep and sincere love, mutual respect, realistic expectations, and compatible personalities. Partners should be compatible intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.
If you are not going to have a wedding, you might still consider doing something to acknowledge your bond in the eyes of the world. Ultimately, though, marriage takes place in the heart, not the room.
We all have a What’s in it for me? side that has subconscious and hidden motives. You both must identify and communicate these agendas. Some people are subconsciously looking to be taken care of, while others have a fear of loneliness.
The true purpose of love is not to receive, but to give; not so much to be loved, as to love.
Your New Life – Together
Many people spend more time on planning their wedding than they do on planning a lifetime together. Unfortunately this often holds true for second marriages as well.
Plan your marriage. Find out what dreams you both have, how you want to be treated, iron out false expectations, and create a verbal contract that paves the way for a healthy and happy future.
Lay down goals together for how you want your new lives to be. Clarity of vision will set in place guiding principles for your home.
Learn about the seven Heart Breakers that, if unresolved can tear a relationship apart. Even more importantly, make sure you understand the seven Love Makers that when followed will strengthen and grow your marriage into something that movies are made about.
Love and Passion
Passion and intimacy are essential to a healthy relationship. Despite the stresses of the daily grind, loss of passion is not inevitable.. Intimacy is the tangible display of how much you really love each other.
The best intimacy is a profound blending of body, mind, and spirit. By understanding the power of Communication, Caring, Commitment and Common values you can see how they have such a major influence on your intimacy.
Sustained intimacy needs some effort on both sides, understand the value of touch, how leftover baggage can weigh you down. Allow time to develop your own comfort level together; explore preferred techniques, responses, and ways of communicating.
Intimacy requires nurturing and imagination, both inside and outside the bedroom. Increase your non-sexual intimacy, recreate your romance at every opportunity, take some ‘me’ time, and get back in touch with yourself and your body. Do something to make your partner happy, which in turn will make you happy, have pre-booked date nights, plan time away from the family and most of all foster spontaneity.
Safeguarding the romance, passion, and intimacy in your relationship is one of the best things you can do to make sure this love lasts a lifetime… this time.
The Art of Communication
Communication is an art, not a given; like any talent, the more you practice, the more skilled you’ll become.
A great marriage thrives on communication. Remember It’s not about what you say so much as how you say it and how you make them feel. By being aware of what’s important to your partner, and being ready to meet their needs (they meeting yours) you are using love to grow your relationship. It often just takes a little forethought before speaking!
They say we have one mouth and two ears for a reason. Listening takes practice and intention. Listen without preconceptions and if you accept information without barriers or judgement you are more likely to understand the true message being sent.
We stop listening when we feel our values are challenged. If you can fight this impulse and instead, listen to your partner’s point of view and allow them to feel heard you have much more chance of growing closer. Take an honest look for truth in their words. You need only communicate enough for someone to ‘get it’.
When you speak to your loved ones, talk to them, not at them. When they speak, don’t just temporarily stop talking, listen. Be quiet inside and out. Open the potential for real communication to take place.
A Strong Start
Trusting a new partner might be hard but it is fundamental to love, so make your love strong from the start.
Building trust takes time. It is learned and earned. Trust grows from love and respect. Understand what trust means to you both.
Tony and Sage Robbins (tonyrobbins.com) talk about five stressors that can chip away at even the strongest of partnerships. Keep an eye on them and if you see them happening, break the pattern, they are:
- loss of energy and desire;
- increased irritation;
- reluctance to face issues;
- resentment; and
- lowered expectations of the relationship.
Never take each other for granted. Make time for each other. Don’t try to change your partner or their values. Love them in the way that makes them feel loved, not the way that makes you feel loved. Avoid resentment- Take time apart. Complement each other. Share the chores. Keep surprising your partner, and keep complacency at bay.
A relationship is literally a labour of love, and it deserves and needs your dedication. Your commitment to your relationship will be in direct proportion to the success and joy you find together.