Mix, Don’t Blend: A Guide to Dating, Engagement, and Remarriage with Children

mix dont blendI like this book very much, and I certainly agree with the sentiment expressed, as it really highlights that you cannot blend children from separate families.  We all have our own unique blueprint which is a combination of nature (born with) and nurture (influenced by).  Children coming into a new family environment are likely to have grown up with different backgrounds, value systems, personalities and drivers.  Expecting that these will just ‘fit’ and blend together is unrealistic at best.

Who wants to feel ‘blended’?  Who wants to feel that their own individuality or beliefs become ‘blended’ with others, so they are not recognised, or valued anymore?  All my behavioural studies over the last 14 years go against this label.  The quickest way to create harmony and co-operation is to recognise each person as an individual and talk in their own values and beliefs.  As my friend and coach Scott Harris (Ultimate Coach) says “no one is special, everyone is unique”.  If you try to blend your children together you are creating a rocky path for your new family.

Even though the label “Blended Families” is common place and instantly recognisable, and I use the label myself so my clients understand what I am referring to, I do not feel that it is perhaps the best title to use, as it neither serves the family or the individuals involved.

Therefore, I support the sentiment of this book wholeheartedly. – Gillian Andale 

Synopsis

What if we could bring families together in a way that promotes individual growth and development, and that allows relationships to form according to the wants and needs of everybody involved? What if we created families not based on the idea that “one size fits all,” but that “all sizes fit”.

MIX, DON’T BLEND presents a radically different model of being blended families. It explains how we got to where we are, how our families work, and what we can do to create mixed families that can work for everybody involved. Your blended—or mixed—family will be healthier and happier as you introduce these personally and clinically tested ideas and strategies. Blended families are really nothing new. What is new are the rigid expectations we’ve had for how such families ought to work. We’ve tried forcing everybody into a model of family that developed about 50 years ago and that fit only a minority of American families even then. It certainly never fit blended families.

We’ve done a lot of damage to our blended families because of these unrealistic expectations. A good many of the divorces that plague our blended families are due to all the misunderstandings, miscues, and missed opportunities which these expectations create.

General Reviews

“This is ground breaking and immensely helpful especially when you explode the myths of blended families which are killers.” ~ Rev. Howard Milkman, Ph.D., LCPC.

“I wish I had this book when my second husband and I married, creating a family of seven children, ages 6 to 18 at the time, two former spouses, and a complex array of new and former in-laws. This is the GPS for navigating the twisty, unfamiliar streets of life in a blended family. Ken and Tammy’s guidance, drawn from deep experience and decades of helping families, is an essential tool to help everyone in combined families survive, thrive, and enjoy the ride.” ~ Debbie Rissing

“Fascinating and inspiring! Sets the standard for blending families into a home filled with mutual respect and love. I am in awe of their example, and strive to be the kind of stepparents they are on a daily basis. They exemplify what a stepfamily should be.” ~ Suzanna M. Biasi

“It is obvious that the love, patience, and devotion you have always demonstrated in your parenting has made this idea for a book become a reality.” ~ Natalie, the youngest

Other Reviews:

Review One

As a newly divorced mom of two children, I found Mix, Don’t Blend to be a book filled with very straight-forward, necessary information for anyone trying to navigate the very complex relationships with a former spouse/possible new spouse/biological children/possible step-children. Ken and Tammy Potts opened my eyes with a very important message through their definition of “mixed families” – bringing together ingredients that retain their distinctive identities, while co-existing in a configuration that sometimes looks and feels like some sort of family. The book gave me the tools I had been looking for to help define realistic expectations while contemplating a second marriage, while also helping me strengthen my existing relationship with my ex. In the book you’ll find information on everything from dating and remarriage with children, to dealing with biological children and step children, to relationships with exes and other parents. A definite must-read for anyone involved in “mixing” families.

Review Two

Although I bought this book as a gift, I received great feedback from my recipients. They said the book was very helpful and contained a lot of good information.

Review Three

Liked the book overall. Alot of time devoted to theory and developmental stages. Uncertain if their ideas will work in practice for my family.

Review Four

I had the opportunity to be the pastor of the church were Tammy and Ken attended and later were married. I watched them mix together two families, sometimes with pain and disappointment but more often with success and joy. This is a carefully written, well researched book on “blended families” that offers very practical advice on how to accomplish successfuly this very difficult task of mixing together two separate family systems into one new one. It is worth reading, discussing, and applying to the life situation of any mixed family.

Review Five

This is a religious based book and it doesn’t say that anywhere. Misleading. I am not a Christian and and don’t want advice based on a book that may or may not be true written solely by men, forever ago. Thanks but no thanks.

Review Six

As a newly divorced mom of two children, I found Mix, Don’t Blend to be a book filled with very straight-forward, necessary information for anyone trying to navigate the very complex relationships with a former spouse/possible new spouse/biological children/possible step-children. Ken and Tammy Potts opened my eyes with a very important message through their definition of “mixed families” – bringing together ingredients that retain their distinctive identities, while co-existing in a configuration that sometimes looks and feels like some sort of family. The book gave me the tools I had been looking for to help define realistic expectations while contemplating a second marriage, while also helping me strengthen my existing relationship with my ex. In the book you’ll find information on everything from dating and remarriage with children, to dealing with biological children and step children, to relationships with exes and other parents. A definite must-read for anyone involved in “mixing” families.

Review Seven

Sensible advice from a professional who has walked the walk. How to keep expectations in line with a new reality.

These book reviews are provided for your information; they are the opinion of the writer or reviewer/s and are not necessarily the view of Love2Last.  The readers should take this into consideration and make their own decision whether they purchase the book or not.  If you do want to purchase this book, it is available through our L2L Bookstore (http://love2last.co/products-and-resources/children-family/).

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