Marriage Help For Men – Doing Your Part
For many years, I was clueless about this arrangement called marriage. It shouldn’t surprise me how many men have trouble in marriage, but it still does. We men seem to have very selfish ideas about housework, bills, children, and especially relationship maintenance. Sure, most of us go out and slay the career beast, but, let’s be honest…that’s what we want to do. Whether or not the woman of the house brings home a paycheck, our marriage depends largely on our attitudes toward things we don’t want to do, what many men consider “women’s work.”
The Man’s Part Of Housework: If we want to have a happy, mutually fulfilling marriage, the first thing we men need to do is eliminate any idea that women’s work goes beyond bearing children. Everything else is shared duties, and we’d better be ready to shoulder more than what we think is half the load, from time to time. Fortunately, we worked out an equitable way to share the chores, but what makes it work is our mutual willingness to help each other when we need it. If we only do what we like to do, there will be relationship problems. The only way some things get done is if someone who doesn’t like to do them, does them anyway. Make sure you’re doing your part of these things, along with all your “house hobbies.” That will go a long way towards peace.
The Man’s Part Of Bills: This is just like the last one. Both people are responsible for the bills. Both should be involved in bill-paying and both should know all the income and expenses. We almost lost our house because I expected my wife to manage all the bills so I could spend anything I wanted on anything I wanted. I was spending $ 250 more every month than we had coming in. It gave her a stressed-out life to have to explain to me why I couldn’t have that new fishing rod. Once we worked out a budget system and both knew exactly what the income and outgo was, it eliminated all the stress, accusation and distrust. It’s been 15 years since then and it still works just fine.
The Man’s Part With Children: Am I sounding like a broken record, yet? Maybe I’m sounding like your wife when I say, men can change diapers, wash bedding, nurture children and do everything with the children that women do…except breast-feed. It amazes me how many men expect their wife to do all the housework, cooking, shopping, budgeting and parenting…and then wonder why she’s too tired to give him any attention. My father resented the fact my mother worked, so he expected her to do all that on top of a full-time job. Can you say, “Relationship problems?”
The Man’s Part In Relationship: Though it sounds like I’m talking chores, all of the above are elements of relationship. A man not willing to do his part of all those things, and many others, is setting the groundwork for a terrible marriage…and maybe a terrible divorce. The root of it is selfishness. Men and women both get married for selfish reasons, but they stay married because they learn to sacrifice their one desires for those of their spouse. Eventually both will do this in a healthy marriage, but the man has to lead by example.
This leading by example is man’s most important part in the marriage. Ever wondered why they say man is the head of the household? This is what they mean…you get to be the one to take it on the head, to be the first to sacrifice your needs for those of your family. You show love most to your wife by letting her have what she wants even if you give up what you want. An argument means two people are insisting on having things their own way. As a man, the leader of the family, you can win every argument by being the first to say, “I was wrong.” This is how a real man leads his family…not by being the loudest or the strongest, but by being the first to sacrifice.
This is how the family gets a caring and giving atmosphere, because the man unselfishly leads it there. You may be asking, if I’m always the one who sacrifices, how do I get my needs met? You get your needs met, because your sacrifice has made the family a safe environment for giving and sacrifice. These blessing multiply on each other, making a loving, giving atmosphere. Trust my experience in this…you will never meet a more giving and accommodating wife than one who has been sacrificed for. 18 years after I set this environment in my home, I still feel as though my wife is pouring out blessings on me beyond anything I could have imagined.
Whether we’re talking about housework, bills, children, or the other elements of relationship, when a man takes the lead and unselfishly does his part by sacrificing for his wife, the marriage is freed to blossom into its full potential. No more maneuvering to make sure everything stays “fair.” Now, each person tries to out-give the other. Now, that’s the kind of competition a healthy marriage has. It all begins when we men lead by giving, as we were designed to do.
Glen Williams is has been involved in helping people with family and life problems full-time, since 1989, He founded E-Home-Fellowship (EHF), Inc. in 2001, to provide people on-line help with life and health issues. Glen is Webmaster at 3 sites, designed to help with family, health and Christian living issues. As of Sept. 2006, 60,000 people from over 140 countries visit EHF websites each month to get help with family, life and health problems.