Are You Really Ready to Marry Again?
Are you on a high as the new man of your dreams has asked you to marry him? Are you scared and excited all at the same time? Are you wondering if your ‘bad luck’ or your old habits will show through after the first flush of romance subsides? Are you sure your new love is right for you? Will your children cope with another break up if you haven’t got it right? Are you sure you are ready to get married again? If you weren’t going through this rush of emotions you would not be normal. Asking these questions and being scared of making the same mistakes again is even more normal!
Hiding your head in the sand or not facing up to your part in your previous marriage is not going to help your new relationship. Asking yourself where you could have done things differently (even if you were abused, he gambled your money away or ran off with someone else) will go a long way to ensuring greater success this time. Not facing up to the answers, though also normal, leads to high failure of subsequent marriages.
So how about not being normal, being brave and facing these questions fair and square. Also, questioning your compatibility and future life together before you actually commit is both courageous and sensible. And even if you don’t like the answers, it will save you (and your family) a huge amount of heartache in the future. This article is just to ensure you are doubly sure with your decision to marry again, so please don’t skip it over!
Are you rushing into this marriage before you have had time to find out just who you are now, what your new goals are and what you want for your life now that the old one is behind you. Don’t rush into an encore marriage if you haven’t had time to form a new relationship with yourself. There are so many factors and extra challenges to consider, as well as your previous history to deal with.
Have you learned valuable lessons from your previous marriage and will you be able to build on these. Do you fully understand what and when it started to go wrong and the part you played in its demise (you must be honest with yourself). Whilst you may be sure that the significant marital issue that caused you to move on will not happen again e.g. financial instability, abuse, lack of emotional connectedness, problems with in-laws, etc., have you considered what did work and is still important to you? Is this also present in your new relationship?
You owe it to your new partner to really look into yourself, be honest and engage in some serious soul-searching before remarrying, to contemplate what will be done differently so that this new marriage will endure and flourish.
Author and experienced relationship coach, Gillian Andale is the owner of Love2Last, a coaching and resource centre dedicated to couples who have found love again, want a new beginning and aim to strengthen and grow their relationship as well as need help in blended family situations. Visit www.love2last.co to browse and see the wealth of information available.