After a Divorce: These Words Will Improve How You Get Along w/Your Ex

After a DivorceAfter a divorce, just the term “ex-spouse” typically makes people a little uncomfortable doesn’t it? Images of angry, vindictive people usually come to mind. It doesn’t have to be that way though. There are steps you can take to try to have a positive relationship with your ex. Ultimately, you can only control how the relationship goes from your end, and they will respond in their own way. But, there still is a lot of power involved in what you can do. Today, let’s look at one of the most powerful things you can do.

After a Divorce: Change your attitude

This has everything to do with how you will interact with your ex-spouse. If you’re still angry or hurt, then all of your interactions with them will based on these feelings. You may be able to put on a “game face”, but your motivations and body language will still be coming from a place of anger or hurt. A great way to deal with this problem is to change your perspective on the way you view this person.

Huh? What do I mean by this? Well, here’s a perfect example of After a DivorceAttitude Adjustment:

I was talking to a friend of mine who had a unique solution to this. During our conversation, he never referred to his ex-wife as his “ex”. Instead he kept calling her “My boys’ mom.” At the time I thought it was odd. But the more I got to thinking about it, I realized it was genius!

After a Divorce: Avoid this word

“Ex-spouse” has a negative connotation. You are constantly reminded that this is someone you loved, were married to and then things fell apart. The pain and the anger are constantly staring you in the face by using this term. By using this new wording, my friend is choosing to focus on the positive outcome of their relationship. He’s also looking at the relationship they have together now – raising their boys. He’s not focused on their past – loss.

While this may sound like a silly and simple change of words, there is MUCH power in them. It’s not just the words. It’s that they force you to begin looking at this person differently. Your perspective changes from past focus to the present. After a divorce, pleasantries with the ex isn’t impossible.

Alyssa Johnson, LCSW is a counselor, life coach and the founder and creator of The Vibrantly Live System.  To get your F.R.E.E. Special Report, “Stop Trying to Be Perfect:  4 Easy Ways to Enjoy Your Live” and receive articles showing you how to enjoy your life and leave a legacy you’ll be proud of, visit




  by Alyssa Johnson
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